What is GMED?
Generalized Modern Existence Disorder (GMED) is characterized by excessive, uncontrollable, and often irrational feelings that accompany the continuance of contemporary life amid encroaching digital realities.
Symptoms typically present themselves upon establishing waking consciousness and continue throughout the day, often intensifying with the observance of news articles, social media posts, financial reports, and other distant, but seemingly pressing, forms of virtual engagement. Some of the more notable provocations are popular music, social influencers, reality “stars,” and relentless, inescapable advertising. Paradoxically, attempts at removing these traumatic elements from the whole of modern existence will typically produce a counter-disorder characterized by pervasive, casual smugness and social insufferability.
While there is no known cure, clinical studies have shown the most effective treatment for GMED is the daily consumption of compressed interference-inducing pharmaceuticals created specifically to target and nullify the day’s virtual and environmental consumptions. The following abstract will provide a comprehensive analysis of the desired effects of daily pills for the treatment of GMED as gathered by the Dawnville Board of Psychiatric Research.
Fig. 1.
Venn diagram showing intra-relationships of daily transmitters of Generalized Modern Existence Disorder and their cumulative effects. Note the ever-presence of weather as a fundamental component.
Fig. 2.
Schematic model for the potential pleiotropic effects of a shared gene locus that is associated with virtual afflictions and societal anxieties.
Fig. 3.
Cerebral map illustrating the directional flow and distribution of tranquilifiers and modern-existance dampeners catalyzed by daily digital pill consumption.
Fig. 4.
Serentiy/Anxiety Index scale for mapping individualized color-spectrum scores to virtual factors commonly attributed to distress, depression, anxiety, or other common symptoms of Generalized Modern Existence Disorder (GMED).
Fig. 5.
Example mapping diagram of daily pill transmitter distribution before and after antiphasal interference. Note the relative tranquility among Popular Culture, Weather, and Financial Market subgroups with pronounced negative sentiment in News Media.
Fig. 6.
Quantitative electroencephalography maps showing typical activity before administration of daily pill (Fig. 6. No.1.), during consumption (Fig. 6. No. 2.), and the prolonged cathartic state following full cellular absorption (Fig. 6. No. 3.).
